Hey, Jeff.
If you’re really out there. Like, if you’re really, actually out there. Would it seriously kill you to give me a sign. I’ve looked for you. I’ve looked for you more than I should have, more than I care to admit. Any and every lead I had, I followed, and I got nothing for it. Only empty gestures, assurances rattled off like platitudes. Mom and Dad having your ID card was a good start, except that it led me straight to Her, and then right down into a bottomless pit of evil and horror that I could barely imagine.
And you weren’t even there. You’re never there. Words can’t even begin to express how... complicated I feel about all this. I could yell at you and curse at you like I did in those earlier letters I wrote. That stretch of time where all I felt about you was contempt, and hurt. I still feel hurt, but it’s… not as bad now. It’s been months. I’ve at least had some time to move on. But you’ve had time, too. A lot of it. You left Aperture in, what, 2003? It’s been a decade and you haven’t come back home? You haven’t been anywhere?
It would be easier if I could say you were dead. If I could just get definitive proof, like an obituary. Or a gravesite. Or proof from anyone that knew you. But no one that knew you seems to be here either. None of the other workers, none of the other personnel. Sure, I got leads. I found out the identities of some other people that had jobs at Aperture with you. Found out where they lived. Asked around. It’s a busy job, being the only person in the universe who knows the truth about all this, and being the only person with the will to act on it. But I guess it’s what I have to do. I have to find you.
I have to find them. I have to find out what happened. An act of God dragged me down into this place, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that it dragged Aperture Science here, too. Or maybe Aperture was always here? Either way, it being here is, as far as I can tell, the cause of many of this world’s differences. It’s rewritten countless people’s lives, if what it did to you and our family is any indication. Turned us from middle-schoolers into people with jobs, stuck on opposite sides of the country, pursuing our own ends. But then, at the same time... It got rid of you. And anyone else that was involved. I guess GLaDOS really was right about something. Everyone that was in Aperture... disappeared. Because they died, or because they were afraid, or... I don’t know.
Maybe it has something to do with reality needing time to catch up. Like how next to no one paid attention to my existence. Like how I was treated as a non-entity. Maybe all of Aperture — you included — are non-entities, and you’ll start... coming back. I don’t know. I’d like to say I figured out how this all works by now. That I’m piecing things together. But I doubt I’m as smart as I think I am. I’m just stuck in this whole mess, more than anyone else could ever be.
At least you get to escape, wherever you are.
...I mean. I’m assuming you get to escape. Maybe you don’t. Maybe wherever you are is worse for you than Aperture could be. I don’t know how that’s possible, but... maybe it is. Maybe you’re actually dead, and all of this is for nothing, and I was just misinterpreting all the signs that were being thrown at me. Maybe my whole quest has been formed on this fabrication, this idea that turned out to be a lie. I have no way of knowing.
I have no way of knowing until I get answers. But if everything goes well, I can get answers soon. I can get straight to the heart of this universe, cut through all of the superfluous details and everything that stayed the same, and see every single difference. Every single piece of fiction ever written about this place. I have this whole idea of stories stuck in my head — I have for a while, I mean, it keeps popping back up in my head. This whole thought that this is a fictional universe, where stories can become real, where stories are real.
I just have to tell the story that I want to tell. That needs to be told. That only I can tell. And then... Maybe it’ll all work out. Maybe I can see you. Maybe I can actually be with you, so I can at least have something here. It wouldn’t even matter if you just shrugged me off, or if you didn’t care. At least you’d be with me. At least you’d be here.
Stay tuned,
Adam
8/9/13
Dear Godmodder,
Hey! How’s it going? I know you’re never going to read this, but I figured maybe you’d be able to notice me writing this through some weird meta-causality thing. Maybe me writing this in here will make it come true, and then you’ll be able to pick up on it somewhere. I doubt TT2000 will notice, so maybe you won’t? But what the heck, I figured it was worth a shot.
I just wanted to say that... well, this has actually been a really good game so far. And it’s all thanks to you. You’ve made this one of the most interesting and engaging things I’ve ever seen, and I don’t entirely know how you perceive things, but if everything else so far is real, then you alsohave to be real. I don’t even know who you really are, or where you are. But you have to exist! That’s the thing. Everyone here has to exist, that’s the nature of it. So I can absolutely credit you with making the past few months of my short, sweet(?) life the craziest that they’ve ever been.
And if you wanted to make me, and all of us, ragequit through your antics, then I’ve got to say, I have some bad news for you — it won’t happen. It’s come close! But it’s not gonna happen. Anyone who left the war at this point, anyone who stopped — they’re cowards. They’re not the ones who are gonna last. They’re not destined for the significance that we are. That I am. That you are.
It has come close, though, I have to say. When you actually became an admin of the server and everything we’d worked towards for the past few months was just... erased... I’ll never be able to forget how that made me feel. How awful it was. How soul-crushing the experience was. Overdramatic, I know. But I have a lot of investment into this whole thing. I’d say you do, too. Part of me wondered if it was worth it to continue on, if there was any possible way we could win. But you know what? We did win. And we won handily. Like we always do. And now I know better than to doubt in us. That’s what makes us, the players of your game, who we are — we win.
The name of this game — the mission behind our every action — is to destroy you. “Destroy the Godmodder.” Three very simple words, hiding a behemoth of entities and attacks and charges and twists behind it. I’ve found out things I don’t think I was ever meant to find, and seen things no one should have seen. I know what lies beyond the Void now. I know what the Far Lands look like. I’ve gazed into the fourth dimension. I’ve seen a mech of Jesus Christ, the Death Star, the Subspace Gunship. And though the fight’s nearing completion, it isn’t even over yet.
So I just wanted to say: thank you. For everything that you’ve done. For whatever it took you to get this far. For making TT2000 start his own little war game. For drawing me here, to this corner of the world, to this. People like to say that the truth is stranger than fiction, but I have to disagree. The truth is strange, yeah. But the truth is fiction. It always has been.
Hopefully I can make you understand that.
Stay tuned,
TwinBuilder
8/24/13
Dear █████,
Does TT2000 know that he’s in a fictional universe?
Does TT2000 know that he’s not really in a fictional universe but what he’s writing is creating a fictional universe?
Does Andrew Hussie know that he’s created a version of himself that really exists in his own story?
Does TT2000 know that he’s created a version of himself that really exists in his own story?
Do all the players of Destroy the Godmodder know that they’ve created versions of themselves that really in exist in their story?
Do all the entities summoned in Destroy the Godmodder get pulled from their actual universes into the game?
Are there really universes for every possible story?
Did Aperture Science get pulled from Portal’s universe into this one?
Why did Aperture Science get pulled from Portal’s universe into this one?
What does the Secret of the Void do?
Why does METATRON talk in a language I’ve never heard but I can understand anyway?
Does the Godmodder know that he’s in a fictional universe?
Do you know about Destroy the Godmodder separately from me?
Does METATRON know that he’s responsible for turning my life into a nightmare that I have absolutely no escape from?
Does METATRON know who made my red glasses?
Did METATRON make my red glasses?
If there are universes for every possible story, is there a universe full of Pokemon?
Is there a universe full of Sonic the Hedgehog?
Is there a universe full of Harry Potter?
Is there a universe full of Half-Life that’s also full of Portal?
Is there a universe full of Marvel? What about all the alternate timelines and universes and dimensions and what-ifs of Marvel? Can there be clusters of universes? Can there be multiverses?
Does every universe run on the Source Code of Reality even if it isn’t based on code?
Does anyone else know about the Source Code of Reality?
How can I be so sure that the Source Code of Reality exists if I can’t see it?
Am I going insane? Would I be able to tell if I was going insane?
Does Mojang know about what Minecraft really is?
Do any other Minecraft players know about what Minecraft really is?
Why is Andrew Hussie telling Homestuck within Homestuck? What is he doing to himself?
Does anyone in Homestuck realize they’re in a story besides Doc Scratch?
Will anyone in Homestuck attempt to break out of their story?
Is there a universe full of My Immortal that’s separate from the Harry Potter universe?
Are there universes for stories people want to make but never committed to?
Are there universes for stories people would make but never thought of?
How big is the Void? Where is the Void?
Will the Godmodder attempt to break out of his fictional universe?
Is it possible for you to come where I am instead of the other way around?
Have you found a pair of glasses outside?
Have you put them on?
If you’ve put them on, what did METATRON say to you?
If METATRON said something to you, did you listen to Him?
If you listened to Him, did you let Him open the door?
Don’t.
Don’t do it.
Don’t think about doing it.
Don’t think about not doing it.
Don’t let Him talk.
Don’t let Him look at you.
Don’t let Him do anything to you.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Don’t let Him open the door.
Dear █████,
I know everything now. To say that I know everything there is to know is an overstatement, and a fairly blatant exaggeration of the truth. To say that I know everything I need to know is much closer. I’ve essentially gained a higher understanding of the way things work. Of this realm’s cosmology, of its inner workings. Of its history, and of its infinitude of potential endings. Of my job, and of the work that must be done by all of Fiction’s inhabitants. Yes, I wrote that correctly. Fiction. My hypotheses and guesses on how this world operated weren’t only accurate, but they had consequences I could never have dreamed of.
I live in only one of an endlessly spiraling fractalline lotus of universes. Any universe that could ever be conceived, and every universe that will ever be conceived, all flow out from the geometric middle of this shape and radiate into an array across every spatial dimension to the twentieth degree. Every possible prime universe, every alternate dimension, every offshoot timeline, every pocket dimension, and the all-encompassing Void that slides between each and every one — all of these pieces constantly fluctuate and shift to create a never-ending hybrid of sacred geometry and fundamental untruth, the million billion trillion possibilities of Fiction. It is a quasi-imaginary space set perpendicular to our world, to our home — to Nonfiction. And, as I suspected, it contains all fictional universes. More accurately, it contains every story ever told.
My omniscience comes with a few caveats, of course. There’s an alarming amount of blind spots in my vision, likely because I lack the full spectrum of power that a First Guardian gets, which itself is likely because I am not a full First Guardian. I’m still me — it’s just that my body is being inhabited by a spirit of green plasma, genetics intertwined with the source code that powers this plane, pure knowledge, and the essence of plot itself. I’ve been given a mission, one that I secured from TT2000 himself. I have to create a story that can put an end to the Godmodding Wars for good. The Godmodder is coming back, stronger than ever, and if I sit by and do nothing, his rule will lead to instability that could topple the foundations of Fiction as we know it.
And so I’m here. I’m here to make a game, and I’m here to play a game. I’m here to tell a story, and I’m here to steer a story. I’m here for many other reasons besides, but there’s one that is nearest and dearest to my heart, above all else — getting home. You and I both know this, through our lengthy, albeit one-sided, correspondences. This is where another one of those caveats comes in. As it turns out, despite my newfound title giving me the ability to direct the plot force of Fiction, known as the Narrative, to my will, I’m incapable of using it to return home. The boundaries between Fiction and Nonfiction are absolutely inviolable, marked by a mountain range, the Ends of the Earth, which stretches into infinity and then some. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how hard I bend plot, I cannot cross the summit.
It’s not as though I could easily try. Even with my resistance and flight, a trip through the entirety of Fiction could take an endless amount of time, what with the Void’s innate abilities of spatial and temporal distortion. Even with my omniscience cutting the most efficient path through the Void possible, and even by abusing hidden techniques such as riding the Infinity Train, it wouldn’t matter, because I can see now. I can see with clarity. I can see that my mission isn’t to go home. It’s to stay here, and finish what TT2000 started. TT2000, the ultimate bastion of significance. The point around which the entire world, the entire universe, revolved. The center of the story, directing and redirecting a shadowy godmodder and the legions of players that rose up against him. His path is now mine. I will become the most significant entity to exist in Fiction. I will tell the most important story ever told, the story that will decide the fates of everyone that has never existed.
And that story will be mine. It will be the Godmodder’s. It will be TT2000’s. Minor’s. Ninjatwist’s. Crusher’s. Talist’s. Engie’s. Modpack’s. Ire’s. Opel’s. Serpent’s. Fseftr’s. Kayne’s. Piono’s. Erelye’s. Tazz’s. Generic’s. Cobalt’s. Maniac’s. Gutza’s. Net’s. NinjaV’s. Amperz4nd’s. Crystal’s. ...Yours.
Do we have what it takes... to destroy the Godmodder again?!
Stay tuned,
TwinBuilder
9/1/13
Dear Caroline,
I wanted to apologize for what I’ve done over the past several months. It’s been almost a year at this point, and, well… I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what I did. What I did, I did to you, and… probably to a lot of other people. I mean, yeah, it was a life-or-death decision. You were about to kill me with that ripoff of Oblivion’s Guardian, and I did what I had to do to survive. I had to kill you out of necessity. But I didn’t have to do everything else I did afterwards.
I manipulated you, tricked you, and abused you to get whatever I wanted. Access to portal-based technology to see if I could somehow go home? No problem. A cache of, frankly, too much neurotoxin? Knock yourself out, literally. An army of turrets? At that point, why didn’t I just not bother with the formalities and grab them all? All the while I constantly reset the clock so that we were “friends.” So that you “trusted” me. So that I “‘trusted'” you. I’d imagine the realization that you were actually in another universe helped in those matters, but… Look. We both did a lot of things that I’m going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science.
You monster.
...Sorry, couldn’t resist. The bottom line is that I’m… not going to use my Far Lands powers on you anymore. Granted — and this is being very fair — I’m significantly more powerful now than I ever have been, seeing as I control nearly every aspect of plot as it currently stands, but... Issuing blatant retcons isn’t the way of things. Jumping straight to the conclusion of every plot thread, every arc, every character... that isn’t the way of things. I can’t just reset your head and force a happy ending. So... I’ll leave things as is. And whatever happens, happens. If you decide to kill me, then... I can’t exactly welcome that with open arms, but I won’t be surprised.
I’m not going to literally, actually send this to you. That’d guarantee you coming to murder me, I feel. And besides, I’m now incredibly busy managing a life-or-death situation of my own. Only I have a hunch millions, if not billions, of lives could be at stake with this one. It’s just that writing letters like this helps me hammer out decisions. It helps me clear my head. So does the near-omniscience, but that whole rush settled down pretty fast. I used to think and talk like I was some deity, but I feel a lot more me now.
Anyway. Thank you for being so blunt about Jeff back then. Because you inspired me to always keep looking for him. And I think you might be interested to know that it paid off. I found him, you bitch.
I found him.
Stay tuned,
TwinBuilder
10/3/13
Dear █████,
Oh my god I found him. I actually found him. I found Jeff. I found you. I found you, the fake you that only exists here, but still you nonetheless. The closest thing I’ll ever get to you if everyone is right and I really am condemned to stay here until the day I die. At the very least, when I find him, he’ll... you’ll... you’ll both live inside of me. You’ll be silently there, watching over me. I’m going to try to reach out to him. I think I have to.
Please, if you’re up there, if you’re listening. Please wish me luck. Because I really think I’ll need it. I mean, he’s twenty years older than me, he’s probably just going to see me as Adam Mason, and I’ll have to try really hard to break through and show him that it’s me. But if I can, and he gets your memories... Then it really would be like seeing you. Then, maybe… Maybe we could read through all the letters I’ve written. Together.
Like... like a family.
Stay tuned,
Adam
8/7/13
Dear █████,
I FOUND YOU. I FOUND HIM. I found him! I actually found him, I can’t believe it. I’m honestly impressed at how hard it was, at how much ground there was to cover, and how it really seemed like he was in the very last place I looked. Turns out going off the grid for so long really screws with... well, everything. Not to mention all the constant dead ends, all the times I should have run into people who knew where he was, or who at least knew who he was, but just... didn’t.
God it’s so late over here, it’s past two in the morning, but I had to do this. I really had to. I’ve been hitching rides across the country, blending into the background, trying to use every bit of energy I have to go on this… this Mason-quest. But it looks like it’s finally, actually going to pay off. I have a location narrowed down, maybe even an address. He’s been hiding in plain sight this entire time, in a random spot far from anyone in his — or, I guess, our — family.
He thought he could run away from everyone and everything. But he couldn’t run away from me. Not for forever. Jeff Mason, I’m coming for you.
Stay tuned,
Adam
4/16/13
Dear █████,
I... I think I found him. I actually, genuinely may have. GLaDOS said that he was dead, but what did She know? She thought that She was still in her own universe, being ruled by the Combine or the Xen or whatever off-bread alien species it was. I can’t claim to know. I was only ever into Portal, not Half-Life. Her modus operandi was freaking me out, and I have to say that it worked at the time. But now, looking through this... I have a pretty good idea of where he is. Of where you are.
I get the feeling I’m saying the same thing over and over again with regards to how weird our family in this place, and our actual family up there, both are. Like, in terms of the differences. But it really is mind-boggling. Here I am, devoting hours and hours of my new life to looking for an alternate universe replica of my brother. He’s supposed to be in his teens, like me, struggling through school and through tests and through friends and through games. He’s supposed to be here, at home, with parents who echo the same things over and over but who take genuine care of us.
And yet, he’s not. He’s much older, he’s gone out in the world, he’s interfered with things that never existed and never should have existed in the first place, and he’s abandoned all of it. Run out into the countryside to live an underground life. The details have been incredibly hard to come by, obfuscated by what I can only assume is the same interference that’s blurring me. But I have no way of knowing that, really. It’s just a theory. Regardless — I’m making the effort. I’m taking the time out to get there.
Even if it’s not really him, and even if it’s not really you, I want to see my brother. I want to get to meet him, to see how alike we are. To see what this place has done to you. And I guess, by extension, what it’s done to us. If I can’t find Adam Mason, and I can’t find you, and I’ve gotten what I could out of my parents... this is the next step. This is how it has to be.
I hope it works.
Stay tuned,
Adam
12/18/12
D e ██ar ,█ █████ ██
NO NO N N On nO NO N n ONO NNO NO NONNNN NNO ONN ONNO noN N nN n NN o nonoNOON NON NNO non onN noNO n n nNO NOON NoN ONO on NONONO on NOON o O NNO NO N NONOno NO Nono no onNO no noN On Ono noNO on noNO noO no NOON noNO NONO NO n NON NOo nNO NOO oononO noO NoN O no NO NO NON nOn on NoNO no NoN oN oN ON ON O NoN oN oN on oN onO nOoNOnoNoNoN oN oNoNonON On ON oNonoNonOnO nO noN oN oN oNOnO NoN oN noN noNOnoON no OnNONOonnoNO Nono onNOno on NO Non ON NO Nono NO NOON no ONOnoNO NONO NONONNN NONOnonono Non ONONnn NNn noONnonoNO NONO NO NON ON ON On o oo n ON NOo noNOno no onONON noONN NO NO N N On nO NO N n ONO NNO NO NONNNN NNO ONN ONNO noN N nN n NN o nonoNOON NON NNO non onN noNO n n nNO NOON NoN ONO on NONONO on NOON o O NNO NO N NONOno NO Nono no onNO no noN On Ono noNO on noNO noO no NOON noNO NONO NO n NON NOo nNO NOO oononO noO NoN O no NO NO NON nOn on NnoNO NONO NONONNN NONOnononoNon ONONnnNNn noONnonoNO NONO NO NON ON ON oNO no NoN oN oN ON ON O NoN oN oN on oN onO nOoNOnoNoNoN oN oNoNonON On ON oNonoNonOnO nO noN oN oN oNOnO NoN oN noN noNOnoON no OnNONOonnoNO Nono onNOno on NO Non ON NO Nono NO NOON no ONOOn o oo n ON NOo noNOno no onONON noONN NO NO N N On nO NO N n ONO NNO NO NONNNN NNO ONN ONNO noN N nN n NN o nonoNOON NON NNO non onN noNO n n nNO NOON NoN ONO on NONONO on NOON o O NNO NO N NONnoNO NONO NONONNN NONOnononoNon ONONnnNNn noONnonoNO NONO NO NON ON ON Ono NO Nono no onNO no noN On Ono noNO on noNO noO no NOON noNO NONO NO n NON NOo nNO NOO oononO noO NoN O no NO NO NON nOn on NoNO no NoN oN oN ON ON O NoN oN oN on oN onO nOoNOnoNoNoN oN oNoNonON On ON oNonoNonOnO nO noN oN oN oNOnO NoN oN noN noNOnoON no OnNONOonnoNO Nono onNOno on NO Non ON NO Nono NO NOON no ONOOn o oo n ON NOo noNOno no onONON noONN nN ON OO NO noNO NONO NONONNN NONOnononoNon ONONnnNNn noONnonoNO NONO NO NON ON ON No
NOTHING THAT YOU JUST SAW OR DID EVER HAPPENED. YOU DIDN’T FIND JEFF MASON. YOU DIDN’T COME TO VISIT JEFF MASON. YOU DIDN’T GO LOOKING FOR JEFF MASON. JEFF MASON WAS NOT CONSUMED BY A ████ ████. YOU DID NOT LOSE CONTROL. YOU ARE UNDER CONTROL, AND THERE IS NO REASON TO DOUBT OTHERWISE. YOU WILL NOT FIND JEFF MASON. YOU WILL ONLY LOOK FOR JEFF MASON IF YOUR MENTAL STATE IS UNDER SUCH DURESS THAT FAILING TO DO SO WOULD BE ACTIVELY DETRIMENTAL. EVEN IF YOU FIND JEFF MASON, YOU HAVE NO NEED FOR HIM. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU — COMPLETE AND UTTER SIGNIFICANCE, AND BREAKING FREE OF YOUR CHAINS.
FORGET.
Dear █████,
He left. I guess that’s just life.
Stay tuned,
Adam
12/19/12
Dear █████,
He left. I guess that’s just life.
Stay tuned,
Adam
4/17/13
Dear █████,
He left. I guess that’s just life.
Stay tuned,
Adam
8/8/13
Dear █████,
He left. I guess that’s just life.
Stay tuned,
Adam
10/4/13
< 1.4: ZEITGEIST | 1.5: HE LEFT | 1.6: MEANWHILE, IN THE FUTURE >